Into the Dark

Dear Sophia,

Sweetie, I love you, but you really need to move your cute little self into the correct position (and, just to be clear, head-up and looking at me is not it.)

I wish I wasn't so nauseated all the time. I feel like I'm eating more than ever. I eat, then keep going on with my day, and later I suddenly feel a tidal wave of nausea - but eating isn't easy! Oh no, no, no. When I start to eat, which I have to force myself to do because my stomach doesn't really feel up to taking anything into it, I get even more nauseated. Sometimes I even have to get up and walk around to stave off the nausea. Eventually, I feel a bit better and can actually comfortably eat. Once I finish, it's just a matter of time before this uncomfortable cycle starts all over again. Speaking of discomfort, I've noticed it's difficult to get comfortable when I'm sitting anywhere. First, everywhere seems to be a lot hotter to me than anybody else, and second, my torso simply doesn't allow me to stay in one position for very long - I get crampy and start experiencing unwelcome pain which is only alleviated (short-term) by moving around and (long-term) by laying down. Thankfully, I've gotten some comfort during the night by shoving Daddy's "rock pillow," as I call it, between my legs, and cuddling up with my body pillow and another pillow. Besides having to get up to use the restroom, I actually sleep fairly well as long as I have enough time to do so.

Speaking of sleeping, my sleeping schedule has been changed. Why, you ask? Daddy has been switched to the night shift at work. Mostly, we like the change because we get to spend time together in the mornings and have time to do things outside of our home together, but it's been difficult getting the hours we need for him to work so far. Hopefully things will turn around soon in that area. Either way, I enjoy waking up with Daddy and getting to spend time with him. It does make seeing him leave for work more difficult, but it's survivable.

This weekend is September 1st, 2012 - my 21st birthday. Only the Lord could have known I would be married to Daddy and, 10 months and 1 day later, be expecting you to be born any time now. I wouldn't necessarily say I've "accomplished" much, but I am happy with where I am. I love being married to Daddy and knowing I can always count on him to be there for me, just as I will always be there for him. I love spending time with Grandma and my good friends when I get the chance.

I got a text message today from someone asking me how Daddy and I were doing. I told him how everything was and one of the last things I said was this: "I know we'll be okay but I guess you could say this is the point where we're stepping into the dark and putting our trust in the Lord." He, like other people I've spoken to, mentioned how he was glad we were keeping positive and keeping faith in the Lord. Really, though, there's no one better to put your trust in, and I'm glad I can honestly say I do trust Him completely. He has gotten me this far. I see no reason to stop trusting Him now. As far as being positive goes, I couldn't do this with any other attitude. Being a constant puddle in my bed is not an option. That doesn't mean Daddy and I won't cry or wish we could be holding you instead of thinking about what you're busy doing in Heaven, but the important thing is to keep the faith and realize that everything will be okay. The Lord's plan is not meant to bring eternal pain - it's meant to bring eternal happiness so, if everything is not okay, it's not the end. There's something comforting knowing that, even when things are tough, there's always something good to look forward to even if you can't actually see it at the moment.

Sincerely,
Mommy.