My Baby Blanket

Dear Sophia,

I'm not sure when it happened, but my baby blanket ended up on the top of our laundry pile. I've been eyeing it for a few days, not sure what I wanted to do with it. After 21 years and plenty of loving, it's off-white, feels a little worn, has a hole or two, and the happy-looking once-colorful bears have faded, but the blanket is in fairly good condition otherwise. I remember using it off and on for years as a small child, and it was always just the right length, always made me feel so comfortable. I didn't carry it around or need it to feel stable - it was just nice to have every once in a while.

Anyway, I found it when I was packing up my things to take to Iowa when Daddy and I got married, and scooped it up. I thought it would be nice to use, if only gently, for our children once they were born. A few minutes ago, I finally picked it up from its resting place... and almost started crying.

There's so much I wanted to share with you, and my blanket was just a start. I wanted to share my most favorite person (Daddy, of course), my faith, my home, everything I had with you. For now, I will have to settle for sharing my body and the experience of your birth. We will have other opportunities down the road, as Uncle Jordan was happy to point out.

I love you. I can't wait to meet you, though I have no doubt that your birth will be the hardest thing I ever go through. It has been difficult attempting to imagine what it will be like to 1) give birth 2) hold my child for the first time and 3) lose said child, all in an undetermined - most likely short - space of time. All I do know is the Lord has been there for your Daddy and I many times before, and He will not leave us now. He has already experienced what we are about to experience, and He, loving us perfectly, will not deny us His peace and strength - all we have to do is ask for it.

In the meantime, I feel honored to be sharing my body with one of the Lord's particularly beautiful creations - you.

Sincerely,
Mommy.