Dear Sophia,
This experience has been interesting. Even at my small size, it's difficult to avoid pregnancy questions which ultimately lead to the disappointed "Oh... I'm sorry," and the inevitable, awkward slow-walk in the other direction. However, this has also made me feel more thought-of than I ever have. Because I tend to feel like I blend into the background, I am always surprised when someone does something unexpected for us to help out, or out-of-nowhere makes mention of something I've said or something someone has said about our situation.
One day, I had Grandma call to tell me something Uncle Jordan had learned in seminary and was adamant I also learn: that Daddy and I would get to raise you in the millennium. I thought it was super-sweet that 1) he had actually been paying enough attention in seminary to connect something from his life and 2) our situation had been close enough to his mind that the connection could even be made. My youngest brother is not typically the touchy-feely type. (Example: Uncle Adam called this morning to invite us to breakfast with Grandma, Uncle Jordan, and himself. We went, even though I've been too nauseated to eat in the mornings - at least Daddy would get a good breakfast. At one point during the conversation, we got on the topic of Uncle Jordan's wrestling at school. Needless to say, I was not terribly surprised when he said he'd won one of his rounds due to a toot which made the other poor wrestler gag and lose his concentration. That's Jordan for ya.)
When we were in Iowa visiting Daddy's side of the family, I was using the restroom (shocking, I know) when two ladies began talking about me. One asked if I was still "carrying," which the other confirmed, and the conversation continued from there. A minute or two into it, I was definitely finished with my business and unsure of what to do next. Finally, I opened the door and headed straight to the sink to wash my hands. Of course, the conversation immediately ceased, and the ladies sheepishly dried their hands and left in front of me. Although I had been a little surprised, it was interesting hearing this conversation occur in a situation where people believed I was not present.
We have had ladies provide precious white dresses to dress you in, nurses who called AH to make sure we had contacted them for support, and nurses (I'm guessing the same ones) who called another nurse of the same faith to make sure they could fulfill any religious expectations and not offend us. Although I, in my carnal state, would not have chosen this course for our lives, we have been blessed beyond belief with a host of individuals who have done all they could to help us. I have a mother who is willing to give up basically her entire evening (this past evening, in fact) to take care of me and make sure I wasn't alone if I went into labor (yeah, apparently it's looking like I'm that close.) I have a husband who is beyond wonderful at making sure I'm as close as possible to comfortable and safe; who is amazing at loving me, including making sure I know, without a doubt, that love is sure. I have friends who have made it clear on multiple occasions that they are there for us and, although my needs can be a little... lot sometimes, they are great at meeting them. The list doesn't end there... but I would be here all night if I tried to record all the people who have blessed us with their influence.
Now, for a health update. For most of the day, I feel pretty "blah." It's weird - I was nauseated my first trimester, but I only threw up once. I kept that number for my second trimester too, although my daily nausea had mostly worn off after 17 weeks. I had been doing really well here in my third trimester, I thought. My number stayed consistent... up until just over a week ago. Suddenly, I can't easily hold anything down before about 2pm. Even the water I was drinking this morning didn't hold a sure footing in my stomach. The nurse we had on Wednesday offered some anti-nausea pills, which I declined because I didn't want to take yet another pill, but I'm not sure now if that was a wise choice.
In addition to this wonderful awareness of my stomach contents, I am so tired all the time. Daddy and I always cuddle before we go to sleep - if we don't, it's just not bed time - and you should hear me when I roll over to officially sleep. I sound like I'm dying... or a ghost trying to scare the crud out of someone in a haunted house. It's oh-so-lovely. Add that to the occasional "Ow, ow, ow!" from random pains in my abdominal area, consistent trips to the bathroom, and the fact that I might as well have a timer for how long I can actually last outside of the house (one of those turn-over minute timers might work) and I'm just a barrel of fun. I'm grateful I'm not the first person to have ever been pregnant, although I will point out that pregnancy is a highly personal experience and different for each woman, because I might not be receiving such an outpouring of empathy otherwise. We have been provided with other people who have gone through the similar experiences and can be the Lord's instruments of comfort in times of need. I am certainly one needy person at this point.
I will say that I'm nervous about possibly facing a c-section. A large part of our decision not to abort was to preserve my body for future pregnancies. All I know right now is we are doing all we can to make sure I'm left in as best of condition as possible, and we have felt good about our decision to give you all the time you will naturally live. We are selfishly hoping this buys us some time to love on your cute little self while you're still here, but we will be happy with whatever the Lord's plan is; His is the perfect plan.
Daddy gave me a blessing today. (Have I mentioned how much I love having a worthy Priesthood holder for a husband?) I had gotten the notion I should ask for one, although I often feel like I'm not in bad enough condition to warrant one and try to wait, but the notion kept coming back. Finally, I asked, and Daddy obliged. I love getting blessings. It is so wonderful that we can receive personalized guidance from the Lord for our trials.
We love you honey. I'd go through all of this again to be able to keep you - but Uncle Jordan is right. If you think about it, Daddy and I just have to go through a different process before we get to keep you for good. It's worth it - the Lord wouldn't put us through these things if it wasn't.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
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