Several Days Ago

Dearest Sophia,

Several days ago, I gave birth to the most precious little angel I have ever met: you. In the days after that, I held you, kissed your soft cheeks and tiny lips, laughed, cried, prayed, loved, and grew more than I have in any other space of time. I am a different person because of you. I am more than me; more than just Daddy's wife, or Grandma's daughter. I am an angel's mother. I have seen perfection, and know what it takes to obtain it once more.

My testimony of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ has grown tenfold, all because of you. Never have I seen so many miracles unfold before me. Never have I felt this kind of love for another; had any idea what it was like to bring one of our Father's spirits into the world.

Before you were born, I had a couple blessings from Daddy, for different reasons. In them, the Lord revealed His intention to give us some time with you after your birth. He also offered comfort - assuring competent hospital staff, overall health, and peace for our situation. I have seen all of these promises and more fulfilled in the past week. I got to see Daddy give you a baby blessing, hear your sweet sounds, and spend more time with you than I had ever dreamed I would get. I have seen many individuals step up and offer both emotional and material assistance in our time of need. We have been blessed (undoubtedly due to faithfully paying tithing) to be able to pay our most pressing bills, and with leniency with our others. Truly, I cannot name the whole or even a small part of the miracles of this past week.

Like we know, no one ever said any of this would be easy. This particular situation was not designed for ease. But I know it is worth it. If there was any doubt before, there is none now. Tears will come. Daddy's cuddles will be necessary. But as long as we're doing our best to get back to you, I can find peace.

I am thankful your little body now gets to rest. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't sob when I finally let your body go with the man from the funeral home. Again, I am thankful for the Gospel; for the Savior's understanding of our situation. I am thankful for friends and family, and their willingness to serve in our time of need. I am thankful for your Daddy's faithfulness and strength, as well as his devotion to both of us.

I cannot say enough. September 24th, 2012 at 3:59am was not the end, just as September 19th, 2012 at 1:30pm was not the very beginning. We will see you again. We will get to hold you close and feel your sweet presence brightening up the room. You are our miracle. You are our first child, our precious angel. Nothing and no one will ever replace you, but I look forward to getting to bring your siblings into the world and tell them all about the 4 days, 14 hours, and 29 minutes of Heaven Daddy and I experienced while you were here. Thank you, sweetheart. You are everything I ever wanted and more.

Sincerely,
Mommy.