Sunday, September 23, 2012

from Daddy to his Angel

To my precious Sophia Grace. I will not be able to finish this with out teary eyes. This is Daddy. I know i have not said much through out this time. It has not been easy for me knowing that i had and have in a sense lost your sister Onnamaria, due to bad choices.
 A few weeks ago your mommy and i were talking at she asked me if i was glad we had not aborted. At that point i was not sure. as that week ended i started noticing you moving and kicking mommy in the ribs and just going nuts. And for the first time a few days later i looked at mommy in the eyes and told her i was very thankful we did not abort you. That would have been the easy road as i look back to when we found out, to now.
 I have learned a lot from mommy. What a very strong woman she is. How close she is to our father in heaven. How she is willing to follow Christ's example as closely as possible. I love mommy so very much. She is my best friend and i can not live with out her by my side.
 After i told mommy i was glad we had not aborted i felt a great peace come over me. I would go to work and every one kept asking me how mommy and you were doing. I could talk about it easily because i had come to terms so to speak with what was going to happen.
 The week leading up to your birth was interesting. I got a new QA in my room due to a lack of QA personnel in the plant. He has two children and some similar interests as i do. Once we got on the subject of you the tone completely changed. It's not every day you hear the parent of a child say she has a birth defect that has a 100% fatality rate and no one knows how this happens. He continued to tell me he's praying for the lucky 1%. I told him if that happens i am going to give him the biggest hug ever.
  I so badly want to keep you throughout this mortal life and be able to teach you, raise you and watch you grow. I know its only for a short time but i have that desire to make right with the children that mommy and i have and what i was and am not able to do with your sister.
 Sunday night before we went in to the hospital the next morning mommy asked me for a priesthood blessing. So i did, In the blessing there were words for mommy and for my self. See since the first visit with Doctor Gjoni, from Italy, he irritated me. It only takes one instance to allow me to not forgive     some one. He instructed mommy to get off some pills with out question. I did not take kindly to this. And was ready to beat him up. In this blessing i gave mommy, she was told that the doctor would be competent and now what to do. I believe this was more for me than for mommy i suppose.
 But as every thing began to happen i could tell that he was paying close attention to every detail. You know i am a doctor a doctor of BS as i call it BROWN SUGAR!
 Doctor Gjoni, was very worried about every thing. Within good reason. TO my knowledge you were not in the correct direction for a normal birth. Turns out you were.
 As everything unraveled, instead of listening with one ear i began to trust him. As i saw his genuine care pouring out i had no other desire but to allow him to do as only a person as he knows what to do.
 The hardest thing I've had to do so far is tell mommy that every thing was going to be ok when i knew not the out come.
 As you were born I could not help but hope you were alive and that i would be able to give you a name and blessing. As i cut the cord i saw your mouth open and i could not help but cry. Right as soon as you were cleaned up and dressed in your blessing dress. Grandpa Lusk, Bishop Jameson, and I put our hands under you and did give you a name and blessing.
 I am so thankful that you have chosen your mother and I. For we love you so much, so thankful for your sweet spirit being in our midst. I am honored to be your mortal father here on earth and will do every thing i can to keep you close.
 I LOVE YOU MY PRECIOUS ANGEL.
          DADDY

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