Monday, October 15, 2012

Remembering You

Dear Sophia,

I love you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. No wonder, really. You are still so precious to me. You always will be. A few days ago, I couldn't sleep, and I started getting practically hysterical. I ended up cuddling with Sophie bear for a while before I put her back and could sleep. I wanted to take a moment and describe what you were like in person for those who didn't get to experience you.

1. The moment you were set down on top of me, my eyes were glued to you. The lack of skull on the top of your head confirmed the doctor's diagnosis but I didn't really care at that moment. "Is she alive?" was the very first question I asked. That was affirmed as Daddy cut your umbilical cord, you gasped, and started to slowly move your little head and arms around. I was in awe. 

2. You made the most adorable little sounds. It was very difficult for you to cry - although you did several times - because of your breathing. Instead, you made little baby noises you would expect from any peaceful baby. You would yawn, snore, and practically sing with your little melodic whimpers.

3. There were very few times I was sure you were asleep. After all, you almost always looked like you were asleep. However, you would go right to snore-city once you hit Daddy's chest. It was adorable. Daddy would hold you against his chest for hours just to make sure you were at peace, and I absolutely loved it. That's one of the most comfortable places on Daddy, so I totally understand why you'd be lulled to sleep there.

4. You had extremely soft skin. I'm not talking normal baby soft, here. Everyone who cares to feel my skin says it's the some of the softest they've ever felt. It only makes sense that my child would have that soft of skin, plus baby softness. I loved rubbing your cheek and tiny hands, although, truthfully, I would have loved to do that even if you'd had coarse skin. 

These are just a few points for now. I had no idea how to be a mother. (It could be argued that I still don't, but that's beside the point.) When you were placed into my arms, I wasn't sure how to hold you. I was honestly terrified of changing your diaper, even though I'd changed diapers before. The last thing I wanted to do was do something wrong for my little angel in her short lifetime on earth. But you made it easy. You didn't care that I didn't know what to do. You were a tiny example of pure love, and I couldn't have asked for more. I love you so much sweetheart.

Sincerely,
Mommy.


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