Dear Sophia,
Sweetie, I love you, but you really need to move your cute little self into the correct position (and, just to be clear, head-up and looking at me is not it.)
I wish I wasn't so nauseated all the time. I feel like I'm eating more than ever. I eat, then keep going on with my day, and later I suddenly feel a tidal wave of nausea - but eating isn't easy! Oh no, no, no. When I start to eat, which I have to force myself to do because my stomach doesn't really feel up to taking anything into it, I get even more nauseated. Sometimes I even have to get up and walk around to stave off the nausea. Eventually, I feel a bit better and can actually comfortably eat. Once I finish, it's just a matter of time before this uncomfortable cycle starts all over again. Speaking of discomfort, I've noticed it's difficult to get comfortable when I'm sitting anywhere. First, everywhere seems to be a lot hotter to me than anybody else, and second, my torso simply doesn't allow me to stay in one position for very long - I get crampy and start experiencing unwelcome pain which is only alleviated (short-term) by moving around and (long-term) by laying down. Thankfully, I've gotten some comfort during the night by shoving Daddy's "rock pillow," as I call it, between my legs, and cuddling up with my body pillow and another pillow. Besides having to get up to use the restroom, I actually sleep fairly well as long as I have enough time to do so.
Speaking of sleeping, my sleeping schedule has been changed. Why, you ask? Daddy has been switched to the night shift at work. Mostly, we like the change because we get to spend time together in the mornings and have time to do things outside of our home together, but it's been difficult getting the hours we need for him to work so far. Hopefully things will turn around soon in that area. Either way, I enjoy waking up with Daddy and getting to spend time with him. It does make seeing him leave for work more difficult, but it's survivable.
This weekend is September 1st, 2012 - my 21st birthday. Only the Lord could have known I would be married to Daddy and, 10 months and 1 day later, be expecting you to be born any time now. I wouldn't necessarily say I've "accomplished" much, but I am happy with where I am. I love being married to Daddy and knowing I can always count on him to be there for me, just as I will always be there for him. I love spending time with Grandma and my good friends when I get the chance.
I got a text message today from someone asking me how Daddy and I were doing. I told him how everything was and one of the last things I said was this: "I know we'll be okay but I guess you could say this is the point where we're stepping into the dark and putting our trust in the Lord." He, like other people I've spoken to, mentioned how he was glad we were keeping positive and keeping faith in the Lord. Really, though, there's no one better to put your trust in, and I'm glad I can honestly say I do trust Him completely. He has gotten me this far. I see no reason to stop trusting Him now. As far as being positive goes, I couldn't do this with any other attitude. Being a constant puddle in my bed is not an option. That doesn't mean Daddy and I won't cry or wish we could be holding you instead of thinking about what you're busy doing in Heaven, but the important thing is to keep the faith and realize that everything will be okay. The Lord's plan is not meant to bring eternal pain - it's meant to bring eternal happiness so, if everything is not okay, it's not the end. There's something comforting knowing that, even when things are tough, there's always something good to look forward to even if you can't actually see it at the moment.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Bubblings-Over
Dear Sophia,
I have something I need to get out. There have been suggestions that hurt feelings could keep certain individuals from coming to see you after you are born. All I have to say is something I have already said: if you miss it, you miss it. There is no reconciliation on earth which will bring you, our angel, back to us for them, or anyone, to enjoy. If this momentous occasion is missed due to those reasons, I will not sit and listen to complaints when there was more than enough opportunity to have the experience they will wish they'd had years down the road. That's all I'm going to say about that.
I would also like to extend an invitation to those who care about you and our family to come support us at the hospital if they are able. For those who do come, I will have a small notebook where you will be able to write a message, if you desire, or just your name to make it clear you were there. I had a dear friend who has experienced a similar situation tell me most things that day will be a blur for me. From what I understand, giving birth can be traumatic enough without having to deal with a loss at the same time. I'm sure I will treasure any record created during that blur.
I understand that there are those who cannot handle death, and that's completely fine. I don't want anyone going too far out of their comfort zones. I just want it to be clear for those who can handle something like this, that this is a one-time only deal. There are no guarantees for anyone involved with this birth. All we can do is pray and be grateful for any time we get. Speaking of which, here is a quick run-down of how we're wanting things to go:
Daddy and I would like to be the only ones in the delivery room (except for the hospital staff and perhaps our cross-over hospital staff/friend photographer) while I'm in labor. After that, if your spirit hasn't left us yet, Daddy and our other male family and friends who are already at the hospital (there will be no waiting for anyone who isn't there, as no time amount of time is guaranteed) will give you a name and a blessing. No tests will be run, as there is no need, so we will just be cherishing the time we have with you. We love you sweetheart. I can't wait to meet you and enjoy the blessing of your very existence.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
I have something I need to get out. There have been suggestions that hurt feelings could keep certain individuals from coming to see you after you are born. All I have to say is something I have already said: if you miss it, you miss it. There is no reconciliation on earth which will bring you, our angel, back to us for them, or anyone, to enjoy. If this momentous occasion is missed due to those reasons, I will not sit and listen to complaints when there was more than enough opportunity to have the experience they will wish they'd had years down the road. That's all I'm going to say about that.
I would also like to extend an invitation to those who care about you and our family to come support us at the hospital if they are able. For those who do come, I will have a small notebook where you will be able to write a message, if you desire, or just your name to make it clear you were there. I had a dear friend who has experienced a similar situation tell me most things that day will be a blur for me. From what I understand, giving birth can be traumatic enough without having to deal with a loss at the same time. I'm sure I will treasure any record created during that blur.
I understand that there are those who cannot handle death, and that's completely fine. I don't want anyone going too far out of their comfort zones. I just want it to be clear for those who can handle something like this, that this is a one-time only deal. There are no guarantees for anyone involved with this birth. All we can do is pray and be grateful for any time we get. Speaking of which, here is a quick run-down of how we're wanting things to go:
Daddy and I would like to be the only ones in the delivery room (except for the hospital staff and perhaps our cross-over hospital staff/friend photographer) while I'm in labor. After that, if your spirit hasn't left us yet, Daddy and our other male family and friends who are already at the hospital (there will be no waiting for anyone who isn't there, as no time amount of time is guaranteed) will give you a name and a blessing. No tests will be run, as there is no need, so we will just be cherishing the time we have with you. We love you sweetheart. I can't wait to meet you and enjoy the blessing of your very existence.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Cervix Abuse
Dear Sophia,
Well, it appears the doctor is also anxious for you to come. I've been having contractions (of the Braxton Hicks variety, apparently) lately but I haven't dilated any further than I already was. I was actually relieved when the doctor only put on a glove to check my progress instead of pulling out the forceps (which I am not a fan of.) However, he decided he was going to push and push on my cervix like there was no tomorrow. I swear it felt like something was going to tear where it shouldn't! I was not pleased. Grandma thinks he was trying to thin out my cervix - I just wish he'd warned me he was going to be assaulting my innards.
In related news, you're bigger than I ever thought you were going to get. For some reason, the doctor actually measured around your abdomen and the length of one of your femurs, which he hadn't done in months. Shockingly, you're not too far behind in those areas! Your abdomen is at 31 weeks (and a day or two - I was too shocked by the first number to pay attention to the second) and your femur was at 33 weeks, like it's supposed to be!
Good girl. You're making Mommy proud. No wonder I'm getting to feel you from top to bottom inside me! In fact, the night before my appointment, I was sure I was feeling your foot as it pushed against the inside of my uterus. It felt solid, like a foot, rather than a hand or something else. Daddy was already practically asleep, so I didn't say anything to him. The next day, at my appointment, I felt the same thing - except that it was being jammed into my ribs. When the doctor did the ultrasound, he said you were laying head-down (not where it's supposed to be, of course, but down) so I was right! I had been feeling your tiny feet those times. It made me happy. For a little while, I felt closer to you than ever.
So, since you're laying down but your head isn't in the right place, I'm supposed to do these exercises to get you down in there. We'll see how those go and if they do the trick or not. All I know is you either don't like them because you stop kicking after I do them or you find them comforting, like a cradle. Either way, I hope they work. I was kinda hoping to do a vaginal birth, but we need you in place (and certainly not laying sideways like you like to do) to be able to do that! For now, I love you sweet girl. Keep on kickin'.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
Well, it appears the doctor is also anxious for you to come. I've been having contractions (of the Braxton Hicks variety, apparently) lately but I haven't dilated any further than I already was. I was actually relieved when the doctor only put on a glove to check my progress instead of pulling out the forceps (which I am not a fan of.) However, he decided he was going to push and push on my cervix like there was no tomorrow. I swear it felt like something was going to tear where it shouldn't! I was not pleased. Grandma thinks he was trying to thin out my cervix - I just wish he'd warned me he was going to be assaulting my innards.
In related news, you're bigger than I ever thought you were going to get. For some reason, the doctor actually measured around your abdomen and the length of one of your femurs, which he hadn't done in months. Shockingly, you're not too far behind in those areas! Your abdomen is at 31 weeks (and a day or two - I was too shocked by the first number to pay attention to the second) and your femur was at 33 weeks, like it's supposed to be!
Good girl. You're making Mommy proud. No wonder I'm getting to feel you from top to bottom inside me! In fact, the night before my appointment, I was sure I was feeling your foot as it pushed against the inside of my uterus. It felt solid, like a foot, rather than a hand or something else. Daddy was already practically asleep, so I didn't say anything to him. The next day, at my appointment, I felt the same thing - except that it was being jammed into my ribs. When the doctor did the ultrasound, he said you were laying head-down (not where it's supposed to be, of course, but down) so I was right! I had been feeling your tiny feet those times. It made me happy. For a little while, I felt closer to you than ever.
So, since you're laying down but your head isn't in the right place, I'm supposed to do these exercises to get you down in there. We'll see how those go and if they do the trick or not. All I know is you either don't like them because you stop kicking after I do them or you find them comforting, like a cradle. Either way, I hope they work. I was kinda hoping to do a vaginal birth, but we need you in place (and certainly not laying sideways like you like to do) to be able to do that! For now, I love you sweet girl. Keep on kickin'.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Blessings
Dear Sophia,
I have been blessed with so many things in my lifetime. There's you and Daddy, to begin with, then being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and many more. In my last letter, I wrote about how I would be seeing a good friend of mine (Rachael Eggett) this week, and that happened last night! She came with her mother, whom I adore, and her husband, Kevin, whom I hadn't been able to meet yet (I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at their wedding but... long story there.) I brought my very good friend Erica, and Daddy came home from work a few minutes after they arrived - we had a full house! We played games, talked, laughed, I gobbled down a mass of tortilla chips and delicious avocado dip, and we all had a really great time. After Rachael and her family left, I asked Daddy, whom had never met any of them before, what he thought now that he'd met her in person. His reply was "I can see why you're friends. You seem to have very compatible personalities." As an added bonus, he mentioned how he thought Kevin was pretty cool too. (Rachael, if you're reading this, we both think you two are great for each other. He's a keeper!) I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends (including you, Shanna!), especially those who take time out of their out-of-state trip to come seelittle, er, plump-ol'-me. As for Erica, we spent practically the whole day together, as we tend to do, and I'm extremely grateful for her company whenever I get it as well!
On a related note, I have been blessed with an absolutely fabulous family. For example, grandma, who is very busy even without occasionally tending to me, came over and helped me clean up upstairs a little... or a lot. I was kinda freaking out because, even though Rachael said it would be fine if my house was messy (and trust me, it's still very, very messy in some rooms we aren't using at the moment) I wanted at least the room we'd be spending time in to be at least a little clean. SO, since I can't do a whole heck of a lot without getting exhausted or over-heated, I asked my dear mother to come over and help me. I did what I could, and she was awesome about the rest. It helped that Daddy and I (but mostly Daddy) had picked up the floor a lot last weekend so there wasn't quite as much to do as there could have been.
I love my mommy, Sophia. She has gone through carrying me, giving birth to me, and the nearly-21 years since then. She has, as I have grown up, allowed me to make my own decisions as long as I was following the spirit, whether it was spending the money I had earned on a new laptop for school or even riding in a cramped bus for hours on end so I could go meet Daddy, on my own, for the first time. She helped and supported me through the wedding which followed, and has been a continual source of love and support throughout Daddy and I's marriage. I love the fact that Daddy can comfortably call her "Mom" because she really has taken him in as her own and loved him like a son. I know you're not really supposed to pick family-favorites, but I think Grandma has certainly got to be waaaaayy up near the top, where you and Daddy are.
Changing the subject! Did you know cats can have blue skin? I didn't, but apparently they're less allergenic if they do - and my kittens do! At least on their backs - Penelope and Panda have pink skin on the bottom where they're white. It's like I don't even know them anymore! Ha - no, I guess I never thought to examine the color of their skins. I know their eyes, noses, paws, ears, eyelashes (yes, Panda has eyelashes), tails, and so on but it didn't occur to me to check out the skin on their backs. Weird.
As far as the kittens go, I have been so blessed to have them. While Daddy is away at work, and even while we're both home, they keep me company with cuddles and purrs I love. I don't even mind Penelope sleeping right up next to - or slightly on top of - my face. They are so precious to me and I am grateful to have them to care for and love on.
Changing the subject again - you sure are good at making me wonder. Last night, I couldn't move at all without feeling like I would be starting contractions... which means it was not fun waking up several times to use the restroom, although at least I got some sleep last night, as opposed to the night before. So, you wiggle-wiggle-wiggle all day, then keep my stomach tight at night. I see how it is! I still love you though. That's not changing.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
I have been blessed with so many things in my lifetime. There's you and Daddy, to begin with, then being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and many more. In my last letter, I wrote about how I would be seeing a good friend of mine (Rachael Eggett) this week, and that happened last night! She came with her mother, whom I adore, and her husband, Kevin, whom I hadn't been able to meet yet (I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at their wedding but... long story there.) I brought my very good friend Erica, and Daddy came home from work a few minutes after they arrived - we had a full house! We played games, talked, laughed, I gobbled down a mass of tortilla chips and delicious avocado dip, and we all had a really great time. After Rachael and her family left, I asked Daddy, whom had never met any of them before, what he thought now that he'd met her in person. His reply was "I can see why you're friends. You seem to have very compatible personalities." As an added bonus, he mentioned how he thought Kevin was pretty cool too. (Rachael, if you're reading this, we both think you two are great for each other. He's a keeper!) I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends (including you, Shanna!), especially those who take time out of their out-of-state trip to come see
On a related note, I have been blessed with an absolutely fabulous family. For example, grandma, who is very busy even without occasionally tending to me, came over and helped me clean up upstairs a little... or a lot. I was kinda freaking out because, even though Rachael said it would be fine if my house was messy (and trust me, it's still very, very messy in some rooms we aren't using at the moment) I wanted at least the room we'd be spending time in to be at least a little clean. SO, since I can't do a whole heck of a lot without getting exhausted or over-heated, I asked my dear mother to come over and help me. I did what I could, and she was awesome about the rest. It helped that Daddy and I (but mostly Daddy) had picked up the floor a lot last weekend so there wasn't quite as much to do as there could have been.
I love my mommy, Sophia. She has gone through carrying me, giving birth to me, and the nearly-21 years since then. She has, as I have grown up, allowed me to make my own decisions as long as I was following the spirit, whether it was spending the money I had earned on a new laptop for school or even riding in a cramped bus for hours on end so I could go meet Daddy, on my own, for the first time. She helped and supported me through the wedding which followed, and has been a continual source of love and support throughout Daddy and I's marriage. I love the fact that Daddy can comfortably call her "Mom" because she really has taken him in as her own and loved him like a son. I know you're not really supposed to pick family-favorites, but I think Grandma has certainly got to be waaaaayy up near the top, where you and Daddy are.
Changing the subject! Did you know cats can have blue skin? I didn't, but apparently they're less allergenic if they do - and my kittens do! At least on their backs - Penelope and Panda have pink skin on the bottom where they're white. It's like I don't even know them anymore! Ha - no, I guess I never thought to examine the color of their skins. I know their eyes, noses, paws, ears, eyelashes (yes, Panda has eyelashes), tails, and so on but it didn't occur to me to check out the skin on their backs. Weird.
As far as the kittens go, I have been so blessed to have them. While Daddy is away at work, and even while we're both home, they keep me company with cuddles and purrs I love. I don't even mind Penelope sleeping right up next to - or slightly on top of - my face. They are so precious to me and I am grateful to have them to care for and love on.
Changing the subject again - you sure are good at making me wonder. Last night, I couldn't move at all without feeling like I would be starting contractions... which means it was not fun waking up several times to use the restroom, although at least I got some sleep last night, as opposed to the night before. So, you wiggle-wiggle-wiggle all day, then keep my stomach tight at night. I see how it is! I still love you though. That's not changing.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Family
Dear Sophia,
I've been thinking a lot about family lately. As a general rule, family is awesome. I am a firm believer that we are not meant to be alone on this earth. We each have specific talents and to survive, we need to work together. Plus, life can be pretty boring when you're all on your lonesome! You, little one, are part of a new generation of our family - our very large family. We have grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, step-relatives, a few former foster-siblings up the line, and you even have a half-sister. But that's not all. Long story short, there's always someone to talk to or catch up with.
That's not to say that they won't get on your nerves - and seriously so - but there's always love there. A family isn't just one line of people who grew up together. It's a mish-mosh of people from different backgrounds. People get married, have babies, their babies get married and have babies (hopefully after about 18-20+ years), and it just spreads out from there. Different viewpoints, habits, traditions, and even religious beliefs are pushed together but they don't always mesh quite like you'd like them to. That just makes things interesting, I guess!
POINT IS, family is important. That's why the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints focuses so much on family history work, temple work, and keeping current records accurately. While it may not always be easy to deal with your family members, it's easy to love them and wish the best for them. As far as you are concerned, I am grateful for your existence. You may not be with us here on this earth very long, but you will always be a part of our family and we will always love you no matter what.
In other news, we hit the 8 month/32 week mark on Monday. It's crazy to think how long you've already been around. As far as we know, we have already been through a majority of your time here on earth. At least I get to feel you wiggling around a lot. Sometimes you even kick me unexpectedly and I jump (which is initially shocking, but I ultimately enjoy it.)
In other other news, my friend Rachael is in town!! I haven't seen her in over a year but we're gonna be meeting up this week and I'm SO EXCITED! That is all.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
I've been thinking a lot about family lately. As a general rule, family is awesome. I am a firm believer that we are not meant to be alone on this earth. We each have specific talents and to survive, we need to work together. Plus, life can be pretty boring when you're all on your lonesome! You, little one, are part of a new generation of our family - our very large family. We have grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, step-relatives, a few former foster-siblings up the line, and you even have a half-sister. But that's not all. Long story short, there's always someone to talk to or catch up with.
That's not to say that they won't get on your nerves - and seriously so - but there's always love there. A family isn't just one line of people who grew up together. It's a mish-mosh of people from different backgrounds. People get married, have babies, their babies get married and have babies (hopefully after about 18-20+ years), and it just spreads out from there. Different viewpoints, habits, traditions, and even religious beliefs are pushed together but they don't always mesh quite like you'd like them to. That just makes things interesting, I guess!
POINT IS, family is important. That's why the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints focuses so much on family history work, temple work, and keeping current records accurately. While it may not always be easy to deal with your family members, it's easy to love them and wish the best for them. As far as you are concerned, I am grateful for your existence. You may not be with us here on this earth very long, but you will always be a part of our family and we will always love you no matter what.
In other news, we hit the 8 month/32 week mark on Monday. It's crazy to think how long you've already been around. As far as we know, we have already been through a majority of your time here on earth. At least I get to feel you wiggling around a lot. Sometimes you even kick me unexpectedly and I jump (which is initially shocking, but I ultimately enjoy it.)
In other other news, my friend Rachael is in town!! I haven't seen her in over a year but we're gonna be meeting up this week and I'm SO EXCITED! That is all.
Sincerely,
Mommy.
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