Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Body Betrayal

Dear Sophia,

Remember what I wrote about before? Well, I did go see the doctor last Friday. Unfortunately, she needed some fasting blood work to be able to tell anything, so I had to go back in yesterday for that and a sonogram. I had been hoping the sonogram would show a little baby growing inside me, but what it showed was something quite the opposite: My right ovary looked like a boring gray blob, and the left? Well, it looked like a gray bean bag with little black golf balls in it. As soon as I saw it, my heart sank. I'm not a medical professional, but one ovary or the other was irregular and I was sure it had to be that one. Oh, and on the way out, the sonographer asked if we'd conceived you naturally. That made me feel wonderful. After returning home, I looked up pictures of poly-cystic ovaries online - they might as well have had my sonogram on there.

Joy. Another way my body has decided to betray me.

Daddy was really sweet about it. When I told him, his first reaction was "Okay, so we can't have any more kids then?" I said "Not necessarily, and the doctor said she'd be willing to give me medicine to help." His response was "Okay. I love you honey. We will get through this together."

For some reason, that was just what I needed to hear. I started crying. I'm a cry baby.

Daddy always knows what to do or say to help me feel better. Before we went to bed, he held me tightly and let me soak his shoulder in tears. Before that, he played a game with me which always makes me squeal with laughter. It felt great to be laughing when I felt so miserable. I am so lucky to have him, and you're lucky to have such an amazing daddy.

Although this is yet another road block in our quest to be parents of some of Heavenly Father's children, I feel hopeful that we will make it some day. We had you, and that is a good sign. Even if we don't have children here on earth, though, Daddy's just the kind of person I'd love to spend the rest of eternity enjoying.

We love you honey.


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