Tuesday, April 16, 2013

They Are All HIS Children

Dear Sophia,

Still no answers for your poor mommy. I guess I'm gonna just have to break down and go to the doctor. I was hoping to not have to go, but maybe they can shed some light on the situation. Fingers crossed that there's a healthy baby developing in there, although it seems unlikely that that's the case. If it were up to me, I'd just wait until my body decides it's a good time to have a period. After all, that's what I did before Daddy and I got married. Back then I could go a couple months every time and be just fine... but I wasn't trying to have a baby either. Although it would be nice to just write my lack of a cycle off, my desire to have a baby trumps my desire to stay away from the doctor's office.

We so badly want a baby. It stinks that wanting a baby can make it more difficult to actually get a baby. On a slightly-related-yet-still-unrelated note, a friend of ours contacted us, asking if we might be interested in adopting. My heart stopped. Daddy and I had only passively considered adoption before. We haven't been married long enough to do it through the LDS adoption services, and there's no way we could afford to do it through an agency. Of course, we hadn't expected to have the issues we've had with having children.

Infertility was my worst nightmare while growing up. I've always known I wanted to be a mother, and not being able to have children with my spouse was a terrifying thought for me. I was relieved when I became pregnant with you, but then the news came that we couldn't keep you. We had to decide whether to abort or  let you stay as long as you naturally would. One of the main reasons we chose the latter, other than the fact that we wanted to see if we could spend some time with you before you went back to be with our Heavenly Father, was that I didn't want to damage my body. Aside from potentially making me infertile - which would be awful, considering the circumstances - abortions are very dangerous. How awful would it have been if Daddy lost both of us at once because we'd decided to abort the development of your perfect little body?

Sure, it was difficult. I swear I sweated by the gallon that summer, sleep was elusive, and don't get me started on the "joys" of childbirth (read: two and a half days of misery and jello cups.) But I wouldn't change anything. I'm glad we didn't abort. Even though we spent a tiny amount of time with you, it's more than we ever would have gotten had we aborted, and my body healed up rather nicely. Plus, my conscience is clear. Don't get me wrong - our bishop said he supported our decision, whatever we chose. But I know, had we aborted, I would have longed for the time we never got to have even more than I do now. I would wonder if you were a boy or a girl, and whose features you would have, among many other things.

Over the last few months, I have been in contact with a woman who did choose to abort her baby. She yearns for her child, and desperately wishes things could be different. I understand her pain, but I cannot even imagine what it must be like to know absolutely nothing about the precious little being I created. To think that the Lord would trust me, of all people, with one of His children was amazing - even if I spent a limited time with her.

Abortion doesn't have to be the answer. Many women are blessed with healthy pregnancies, but for whatever reason they don't want or can't care for the child. I know some people who were adopted, and you wouldn't even know they were adopted. Their families love them just the same, and they are happy, healthy individuals. Adoption is a wonderful institution where children who previously had very little chance of a good life are taken in by parents who are grateful they even exist. Sure, there are the exceptions, but there will always be exceptions.

We are not one of those exceptions. When we heard of that baby, my mind started racing. Adoption? Could we do it? However, in the time it took me to call the person who'd contacted us, she told us the mother had chosen not to adopt - that she would rather abort than have to go through the torment her family would heap upon her. My heart aches for this mother. It's amazing how awful some families can be to their own children when they make decisions they don't agree with. I've had first-hand experience with this.

To this mother, people in similar situations, and those who might torment them I say: they are all His children. You are our Heavenly Father's child. The baby in your womb is His child. Your family, and everyone around you are His children. All of you deserve a chance. All of you are entitled to use of the Savior's Atonement. You have no right to judge. Supporting these mothers even though you might not agree with their choices is a great way to show your love for all of your Father in Heaven's children.

Thankfully, there are many people who are willing to help and support mothers in these kinds of situations. There is hope. Even babies unwanted by their birth parents can have the blessing of a loving home if they are given the opportunity to live. I hope and pray this mother and those who might find themselves faced with a similar dilemma will seriously consider adoption rather than abortion. Please don't hesitate to ask for help if you don't know what to do. Someone will help you. Many are waiting to do just that.

As the birth mother of a friend once said, she felt as if she was only meant to bring the baby into the world. Another couple was meant to be her earthly parents. I don't think my friend would have changed a thing.

Please let our Heavenly Father's children fulfill their missions. You will not regret it, and the joy you will be bringing to someone else's life simply by providing them with a baby is priceless.

I'm glad we took you full-term. I'm grateful for the time we got to spend with you here on earth, and I look forward to the day when we will finally get to meet you in all your glory and talk about the time you've spent serving our Father in Heaven on the other side. I hope at that point we can talk to you all about our experiences raising your siblings, whether I gave birth to them or not.


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