Sunday, July 29, 2012

All In A Moment

Dear Sophia,

I'm realizing it just takes a moment - one moment - to change the course of your life. A person will have many such moments in their lifetime: deciding to go to college or not, meeting your spouse, the birth of a child, some joyous or terrible news, etc. Before meeting Daddy, I was in an unhappy relationship, feeling like I was supposed to be married soon but knowing my boyfriend would be a poor choice. Then Daddy came along and changed everything in a matter of days. We're currently waiting for your birth, following the reception of heartbreaking news. Up until that day, if you discount the uneasy feelings I'd been having, I was thinking we'd have a healthy baby girl around the beginning of October.

Then the news hit, and everything changed. No more making little baby hats. No more searching for cute, inexpensive furniture to use once you arrived. The crib came down. Our first onesie, a gift from Grandma, was quietly folded and stored out of sight. It's hard to believe our family is expecting an addition with how little preparation it seems we have done. Our preparation is different - it's doing everything we can to ensure we'll remember you in this life. It's a stuffed rabbit sitting on a shelf for future cuddles; a small purple backpack with papers collected during this time; a plaque given to us by  a friend. It's having a hospital bag filled to the brim with things like a footprint kit, a white, handmade blanket to wrap your tiny body in, and a small white rabbit puppet Daddy picked out for you.

This isn't the typical path, but it is ours to take.

Then there is the moment I go into labor. I don't know when it will come, but I will not be ready. There's no good way to prepare for the first little expression of pure love between a husband and wife to be taken swiftly back to heaven after you've had a blink's-worth of time with them. I can't say it's not fair. Somewhere there is a couple who cannot conceive no matter how hard they try; somewhere there's a child who has no access to the correct nutrition and clean water and will likely lose his life to disease, if not starvation; somewhere there's a spouse who has lost their better-half and has no idea what to do next.

I may not like it, but we are not alone in our suffering. Today in church, it was my turn to teach the Sunday school lesson. The topic was the Life of Christ. If anyone can say something is not fair, it's Him... but he would never even think of saying that. He is the only person who can completely relate to our sufferings, as He has already borne them all. It's a comfort to know He is there and know we are not alone, although I would be lying if I said that makes this completely easy to go through. There will be pain, both physical and mental in nature. His desire is to ease our sorrows, not make it so they had not happened.

In these moments, our lives have been changed. We have learned to love even a daughter we will never deeply know in this life, and how to better love each other through and after trials. We have gained hope for the future, and a renewed desire to be the kind of parents you deserve. You, my darling girl, have changed us for the better. This is all a part of the Lord's plan, and I am honored to be your mother on this earth, regardless of the difficulties it brings. Thank you. Daddy and I love you immensely. Although I know our meeting will be brief, I look forward to it with great anticipation. You are our angel and will be beautiful beyond belief in our eyes, no matter the outcome. Good night for now.


Monday, July 23, 2012


Dear Sophia,

Last night, we got home from our weekend trip to Iowa to see family. Overall, I'd say it was good. We left Saturday morning after Aunt Kym got off work. I don't think I've ever packed so much for just a weekend trip. In addition to the cooler with our water and bag of dry goodies, and the clothes for sleeping in and Sunday (which, for both Daddy and I, fit into a small duffel bag), we brought a bunch of our favorite card games and the game of LIFE to play with your aunt and uncles. While we were engaged, I remember watching Aunt Brittany and Uncle Brandon play many rounds of "It Came to Pass" while they were listening to their science lessons. We also had to bring the hospital bag and urn. I guess that doesn't actually sound like a whole lot, but it felt like a lot when we were packing it all and stuffing it into the car!

Being pregnant on a road trip is awesome (read: NOT awesome.) We stopped two or three times just so I could use the restroom. The first place we stopped was a Walmart in Lamoni, where we saw this awesome horse and buggy!

Horse and buggy parked at Walmart!
(Please excuse the dirty window.)
I do not envy the man who was driving this. The weather was decent, but still hot like it has been for a while. Maybe he's used to it, but maybe since he has no other option he just deals with it! Hard to say. Still, no envy there.

I was happy when we got into town. I didn't get car sick but I was so exhausted and SO ready for a nap. We talked for a few minutes then Daddy and I went upstairs to take our much-needed nap. I'm just gonna throw this out there - Daddy is a great cuddler. We always cuddle before we go to sleep, even if we're just taking a nap, and I love that. I also love that he insists on it if I'm being a stinker - it's not just that I want to cuddle. He really is my cuddle bug. :)

Church on Sunday was good. My body was not fond of the 40-minute drive, especially because I had way too little cool air on me. At one point, I felt like I was on the edge of an anxiety attack. No bueno. I told Daddy and he did everything he could to make me calm, but it was difficult. Once we got there, we sat down for Sacrament, which is an hour... right after sitting in a hot car for 40 minutes. I'll just say that most of Sunday school was spent walking around to give my back a rest.

I felt like such a bad guest, because guess what followed church? Nap time. Seriously. I was pooped. I swear I was enjoying spending time with them! If you could ask Daddy, he would say I told him multiple times how excited I was to go.

Speaking of naps, one thing we SHOULD have brought with us was pillows. In our own bed, I sleep with three pillows and I think I've gotten Daddy to start sleeping with two. At one point in the trip, we went with Grandma Lacey and Uncle Bryan to get a filter for an imminent oil change on one of the cars. The car stuff was at the back of the store, and on the way back up to check out, we spotted some pillows. But they weren't just ordinary pillows! Oh no. They were BODY pillows. I've never had a body pillow before, but I wanted one, especially because we hadn't brought any of our own pillows. I looked at Daddy and said "Can I get one?" - accompanied, of course, by big puppy dog eyes.

He said yes! So we picked up a body pillow for me and a regular pillow for him. Of course, now we needed a pillow case for the body pillow, so that was our next stop. We found a soft, fuzzy, brown pillow case with no tags. It was the only one there, but it was the one Daddy and I liked the best so we took it up to the front with us.

Once we got there, I immediately told the cashier our situation and she took it over to a manager to decide what to do with it. At one point, the manager looked at me and said "How does five dollars sound?" I said "Sounds great!" and, although it had been in a group with a bunch of seven-dollar covers (which we had told them) and we had been willing to pay that, we got it for five. Woo! I was so excited I put the cover on in the front seat of the car! I love my body pillow, but my cuddle bug is still my most favorite cuddle instrument. ;)

I really enjoyed our trip. It was nice to get to see people we hadn't seen in a few months. On our way out of Iowa, we stopped at the spot where we first met, and kissed. It was wonderful and really interesting thinking of how far we'd come since that first day. I even took a picture of the place:

Say hello to the Iowa State bus stop. :)
At the end of the day, I was still glad to be home in our own bed, cuddling with Daddy and my body pillow. I had also missed my kitties! It was great to get to pet them again.

Unfortunately, we did have to stop at the hospital once we got back into town. Even after laying down for half an hour, I was still feeling really off. It took the nurse there about two hours to determine nothing was happening and it would be safe to go home. She also had to stick me in both arms (and dig around in one of them) for blood. I was not happy, but at least she could say we were alright. My doctor asked to see me today for an ultrasound, just in case. We'll see how that goes.

I'm just glad everything's okay and we're home safe and sound. I liked Iowa, but home is definitely where the heart is.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Dear Sophia,

I'm having one of those days where I realize how much I love your Daddy. Last night, he found a card game we'd been given as a wedding gift and brought it upstairs for us to learn and play. We started at 11pm, and finally went to bed at 1am after quite a few rounds. It's not the most fun game I've ever played, but it was amazing spending time with Daddy like that: sitting cross-legged on our bed playing a card game on a cardboard box for hours. I love how, even when he doesn't get home at a decent hour, he takes the time to make me feel special. Yes, he still had to work today, and yes, he was probably a little tired when he got up, but what's important is he makes me feel like the queen he insists I am.

Tomorrow is July 18, and will mark 11 months since he first sent me that "You're beautiful!" flirt. I have been so blessed to have him in my life. He is a true gentleman and everything I've ever wanted. We have known each other in person for 11 months, starting on the 27th of this month, and have been married for 9 months, starting on the 29th. To this day, he still opens the car door for me, holds my hand at every possible moment, and requires cuddle time before going to sleep. He is wonderful with children and great with communication - although it does take occasional prodding - and excited for the time when we can share sleepless nights raising our little ones together. I can always count on him to be there for me and those who are dear to us. He is truly my knight in shining armor.

He calls me when he gets off work, which I love. Last night, we even had a spitting contest over the phone. It was hilarious! Oh, that's another thing: he makes me laugh! I have already written down a list of times he made me laugh in this post. He is also fantastic at taking care of me. One time, he came home and I was really overheated so he had me get into a cold bath and sponged cold water over me for a good fifteen minutes. It was so incredibly sweet. I have been pregnant for a majority of our marriage, with no shortage of morning sickness, overheating, dizziness, and mood swings, but he has been so kind and nurturing throughout.

As I type, he is on his way home and I couldn't be more excited! I cherish this worthy priesthood holder who loves me and is willing to work with me as we strive to better ourselves. We have this wonderful gift of getting to spend eternity together and learning the Gospel. We have recently started getting into the habit of regular prayers together, and we've been working on establishing Family Home Evenings while we're still a young family. If it's up to us, we'll have little ones well-versed in the Gospel and who love it just as much as we do, if not more. When we are following the Lord's will, we have such great blessings heaped upon us, and no matter how difficult life may be, we can get through it.

I am eternally grateful for having such an amazing companion. You can be sure I'll communicate that clearly when I see him in a few minutes! You came to a couple who loves you, and each other, sweetie pie. I can see why you'd come to us. Without the support system I have through your daddy (and many others), it would be difficult for me to be so cheery while all of this is going on. Just know that you won't be forgotten. In fact, you will be celebrated as the first show of our love for each other; a little piece of both of us molded into a perfect, heavenly package. Thank you. We love you Sophia.


Monday, July 16, 2012

If This Keeps Happening...

Dear Sophia,

First, a health update: While this heat is not wonderful, I'm alright. I'm getting more frequent pains/discomfort in my lower back and lower... front-area and you've apparently found - and thoroughly enjoy - my bladder. I felt compelled to apologize to Erica in advance if I pee on her furniture or my water breaks on anything. I feel like I constantly need to keep a bathroom radar going. Fun, fun, fun! Oh, and something I didn't know about pregnancy is how ridiculously sweaty you can get! I'm typically a sweaty person anyway, but since a certain point in this pregnancy, I've been sweat-city. I get those super-attractive little sweat marks under my chest area if I do anything. Whoever decided to create maternity shirts out of material which shows moisture has a sick sense of humor. 

The last few days have been interesting. I've been really moody lately when any little thing happens. That, and crying very easily. There was a Relief Society activity on Thursday with an item swap. Grandma and I got there early because she was in charge. I wasn't feeling well, especially because the room we were holding the meeting in was really warm when we got there. For about an hour, I sat and watched as people brought their items in. As our ward is very young, we had many women bringing in unused baby clothes and a few other baby items. I ended up crying... It feels so strange to be this pregnant and not preparing to care for your little one once they're born. My visiting teaching companion was so sweet. She offered to take me somewhere else (partially because she was nervous about teaching her chair yoga class) but it was nice of her to think about it! I declined. Eventually, I was alright. The activity was nice, and I liked having something to do while Daddy was busy at work.

Ultimately, I ended up with a changing table and the baby clothes which weren't spoken for. I figured it couldn't hurt to collect the ones people didn't want or need for now so we'll have something to start with once your sibling comes along. We also ended up with a ceiling fan (thank goodness - I can't count how many times I've almost killed myself on my way upstairs because it was so dark), a window fan (our house is way too large to not have some kind of meaningful ventilation in more areas than one), and a long shelf/coat hanger which we can put in this weird area in our front room. I was really happy about it all.

Well, we've gotten *somewhere* with Onna's mother. At least she's not insisting that Daddy go alone anymore. Now she's basically telling us her chosen supervisor has very little time off, so it may be a couple months before we can even think about seeing Daddy's little princess. Ugh. On a good note, we might have a lawyer who would be willing to assist us without charging us for their services. That would be so amazing, since I've gone over the budget again and again, and we won't have the necessary money so we can even think about hiring a lawyer until the beginning of 2014. Blah. We'll see how things play out, I guess.

Mreh. I'm kinda making myself grumpy again. I'll check in at a later time.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012


Dear Sophia,

Today. Today I have been searching for a lawyer who can help us see your half-sister, Onnamaria. For over a month, we struggled to get her mother to even respond to us, and now she's refusing to let Daddy have someone there with him to prevent the kind of accusations which have been thrown at him before. So far my search has been fruitless, but I will eventually prevail! When Mommy is determined about something, it gets done, one way or another. Daddy may not get to spend much time with you (not that he wouldn't LOVE to get to snuggle you all hours of the day), but I'm doing my best to make sure he can see his other little princess.

My obstetrician appointment was yesterday. We're pretty sure the nurses from the hospital told him how we'd been feeling, because he was a lot more attentive and talkative than usual. Although I wish he'd given me a meaningful picture of you, the visit was nice. He told me he'd been praying for us, and praying that we'd be blessed with a healthy baby next. He checked your heart rate (a healthy 140bpm) and did a pelvic exam to see if anything more had happened. (I haven't progressed dilation-wise, but that's okay. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen.) He then reminded me that both he and Grandma are there for me if and when I need to talk to someone, and we were soon on our way. I think the whole visit took fifteen minutes, but I was more satisfied about this visit than others in recent months. 

Yesterday, I posted something on my Facebook account, which I want to include here for those who may not have seen it:

"Thank you to all those who have been so thoughtful throughout the last several months. We have felt very loved and cared-for. This has not been easy but it has been a great time of learning and growth which I believe we were always intended to have. The Gospel is true and the Lord loves us. He has not left us alone in this time of trial, and has been so generous in sending so many angels to tend to us. Thank you again."

That's it for now. I love you sweetie!


Monday, July 9, 2012


Dear Sophia,

We have an outside cat named Stella. She's the sweetest little thing. She used to belong to my aunt, but when they moved we wanted her, and she ended up with us. As a kitten, she was cared for at our house for a while, which is when she got her name. She was TINY and malnourished. I don't even know if we knew how old she was at that point. She had been found by a member of our family outside, and just needed some loving and a nice, big bowl of food and water. We kept her in a bathroom downstairs. She was so small that we didn't want to just let her walk around the house and possibly get lost, but I did enjoy letting her out while I was downstairs in the kitchen. She would follow me around and rub up on my legs, arms, wherever she could get to. 

I don't remember when she ended up back with my aunt, but she did. They called her Mew, but she will always be my Stella. In any case, we have had her for a few months now. In that time, she got pregnant. This was recently, so after your diagnosis, and I got frustrated. It seemed like even my cat could have babies, but I would be having a daughter who wouldn't survive. That "fair" word briefly came to mind. Of course her babies and mine have nothing to do with each other, but thoughts of you are never far from my mind.

We usually see her whenever we go outside either on our porch or in our yard, or the yard/porch of our neighbors to the left. However, when going out one day, I realized I hadn't seen her in a day or two. I wanted to make sure she was okay, so I called her until she finally came. For quite a while, she had been getting bigger because of the pregnancy, but today she was smaller. Alarmed, I checked her backside, and there was blood. It was strange, because I knew I had never felt movement the many times I'd examined her stomach. It may be silly, but I asked "Where are your babies, Stella?" She just meowed, and looked like everything was perfectly fine.

It has been a couple days now, and we're sure she has miscarried. Her kittens are nowhere to be found, and her nipples show no obvious signs of use. Add that to the fact that neither Grandma (whom I talked to yesterday) nor I felt any movement up until this point, and it seems pretty obvious that there are no living kittens to care for.

I've never owned a cat who miscarried, and I've certainly never owned a cat who miscarried while I was pregnant with a baby with a fatal birth defect. I was sitting outside on the steps this morning petting her when all of that hit me. Tears came to my eyes over this cat mother who had lost her babies - whom I had previously envied. I felt bad for resenting her ability to have kittens while I was losing you, especially in light of recent events. At that moment, I started petting her with a new purpose. I wanted to comfort this animal which I cared about, and let her know she wasn't alone. I know what it's like to be losing my own "kitten."

Maybe it's silly to assume she is going through the same feelings I am. Maybe it's silly to think she even cares or understands what happened. But maybe, just maybe, she is exactly what I needed. I needed this sweet little animal which I care about, and who may or may not be affected by those experiences, to go through something similar. I don't wish any discomfort on her. As anyone who knows me is aware, I am definitely a cat person. I can't stand seeing them in pain or too hot, or in precarious situations, but the Lord's plan is perfect. He allows these little similarities to take place so we may find comfort in our companions, human or otherwise.

I hope Daddy and I will eventually have little ones of our own to take care of, but this is our current reality. Like I told a friend a little while ago, "Charles and I were talking last night and I asked him how many children he thought we were gonna have. He said 4 or 5, and my brain said 6 (for whatever reason) but I just can't picture that for us right now. My reality is taking the crib down at 17 weeks because I just can't look at it. It's fighting to be able to see my step-daughter whom I've never met because her mother 1) refused to return contact for so long and 2) is now refusing to allow Charles to protect himself from false witnesses." Someday things will be better. Someday we'll see you again, and also have your brothers and sisters with us. Someday we'll get to spend some time with Daddy's little princess, Onnamaria. Someday.

The Gospel is true. The Lord's plan is perfect, as are you. It will just be nice when we can see you again and enjoy the fruition of His perfect plan in eternity. I love you sweetie. I'm sure we'll see you soon.


(P.S. Got a couple bits of good news yesterday!

1. The lady in the ward who said she was going to get a dress and cap for you came through. Grandma handed me a little white clothing box with pretty pink ribbon glued to the front. I wasn't sure how to take it at first, but I decided to take a look at it a little bit later. It's so beautiful, sweetie. I'm sure it will be too big for your perfectly tiny body, but I certainly appreciate the gesture. It's so hard to know how big you're going to be when you finally arrive. Either way, you will be perfect. No matter what size, no matter how long you do or don't live, you will be perfect.

2. We had another lady in the ward offer to be a back-up photographer if we can't get a hold of our other photographers or they don't make it in time. Additionally, I guess the nurses from our original obstetrics unit visit had called her to ask if she knew, because she is also LDS, if there was anything special they needed to do for us during delivery and afterward. I had already been told they'd called Alexandra's House to make sure we'd gotten in contact with them for help, so I thought it was sweet of them to go even further for us. Grandma then told me she'd offered to be a nurse that day. She actually works at the hospital in the obstetrics unit, usually, but she has been on leave so she can work on her relatively new work attire business. Even though she has been on leave, she offered to come in especially for us.

I felt so special. First we have a woman from the ward provide an adorable dress for our angel to wear, then we have another woman offer all the services she can. I love the Lord's organizational skills. He puts us in these groups where we have the ability to serve each other and love those around us. He is truly amazing.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

And So It Begins

Dear Sophia,

Yesterday was... insane, to say the least. It was the fourth of July, and we started our with only five hours of sleep (because we went to sleep at 2am and woke up at 7 to be ready for the day.) First on our list was to pick up Erica and her niece who is staying with her to go to the ward breakfast. It was yummy! We had pancakes, bacon, and either milk or orange juice. We sat next to Erica's in-laws, and enjoyed some light conversation before we ate. Once more people started coming, we left to clear out some space for those who hadn't eaten yet.

Our next stop was Erica's house, where we played several rounds of cards before her mother-in-law showed up with the ward's parade float. At the time, we were in the middle of a game of Phase 10 (and I had a really great hand, by the way) but we stopped to help the youth finish the float before the parade. It was super hot outside, and, although I brought glass of ice water outside, it wasn't long before I was way too hot. Of course, Charles had told me to go inside ten minutes earlier, but I just had to wait until I was getting dizzy. Once inside, I laid down and promptly fell asleep. A little later, Charles came in and Grandma called to say the whole family was having an impromptu get-together early that evening.

We headed home to give me a chance to take an actual nap in my own bed. Of course, I couldn't sleep, but that's okay. Grandma came in and we discussed options for fighting for Daddy's right to see your half-sister, Onnamaria. We've been trying to arrange a time to see her, but her mother has refused to respond to any of our attempts at contact. It's really sad. Daddy loves her so much, but he hasn't gotten to see her since she was 8 months old. Her birthday is tomorrow, actually. She'll be two years old! I made a cute (if I do say so myself) little birthday card for her, and Daddy and I both left a message inside of it for her. Of course, we don't have her address so we had to send it to her Grandma's house, but we sent it! That's what matters. I hope she gets it.

Next, we went over to the family party at Great-Grandma's house, and had a wonderful meal. It was nice seeing everyone. Shortly after we finished eating, my back started to hurt. I was really uncomfortable, but still feeling you move, which was good. After a couple of hours, it was still hurting so Daddy, Grandma, and I went to the hospital to get checked out. On the way there, I got pretty hysterical. I know what is going to happen eventually, but that doesn't mean it doesn't frighten or upset me. Daddy was upset too, but he was more worried about you and I more than anything.

Once there, we went straight to the obstetrics unit. They let us in and allowed me to choose which room I wanted to go into. I chose "room 3" which is where we were on our first visit, and we went through a couple of the same things: urine sample, getting hooked up to a bunch of machines, etc, except this time you weren't such a stinker and allowed the nurse to find you pretty easily. Also, she said she and the other nurse had just been talking about us, and she mentioned how we hadn't been in in a while. Oops?

Apparently my urine came back fine, so they decided to take some blood samples and test them too. The nurse was exceptionally gentle, and I didn't even feel the prick. Soon enough, though, those came back fine too. The next step was a pelvic exam. (Yaaaaayyyy...) When they started pulling the curtain up, Daddy looked confused and was letting it close in from of him. I looked at him and said "What do you think you're doing?" and the nurse was like "You can come in here!" He hurriedly came over to my side, and said he hadn't known if he was allowed to be on that side with me.

In any case, the nurse did the exam (awkward) and came up a minute later. She said my cervix was "soft and long", and I am at "fingertip." According to my October 6th due date, I'm not even 27 weeks yet. I don't know about you, but it's looking like my feeling was right. It looks like I will, indeed, be delivering you, our little Miss Sophia early. We'll see what my doctor says on Tuesday.

After being discharged, we went back over to Erica's and played more games until Daddy and I were tired, went home, and went to bed. It was certainly a long day.

This morning, I woke up feeling awful. I was all stuffed up, which I had been since doing all that crying yesterday, and it was gross. Thankfully, I'm all *clear* now, if you know what I mean, but still stuffed up and sore-throated. Meh. Hopefully I'll get feeling better soon, and you won't be harmed in the process.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

A Short Story by Great Aunt Dianna

Call Me Sophie
A Short Story by Dianna Zaragoza – grand-aunt of Sophia Grace Lacey

My name is Sophia.

Mommy and Daddy call me Sophia, but sometimes I call myself Sophie.

Not always. Just sometimes.

Sophia sounds like a dark, still lake of water, fetching and mysterious.

Sophie sounds like sofa, which is my favorite place in the world. I curl up with my mommy, and my favorite purple blanket that I never let go of, and my kittens. I wrap myself into a big purple ball and I'm a kitty, breathing deeply.

Sophia is a dancer, flowing and graceful like the top of a music box that sings ‘Christofori’s Dream’.

Sophie is a twirler. I pull long birthdays streamers of purple around me until I’m wrapped up like a big purple present to life – for its birthday.

Sophia is elegant enough to have tea with the queen – pinkies up please.

Sophie can have tea parties with her stuffed animals and her kitties – which is better than the queen, since I keep all my lemon tea cakes to myself. (Well, almost all – Daddy can have one, if he wants.)

Sophia has long hair, a long neck, long arms and a smile like a string of perfect pearls.

Sophie has long feet (which is better for paddling in the water anyway) – thanks to Mommy. She also has a long horizontal grin that makes other people’s smiles more beautiful instead – thanks to Daddy.

Sophia is neat and clean – never a hair out of place.

Sophie has many hairs out of place (a lot) and the fun of getting them out of place is more than worth the brushing Mommy inflicts on me later.

Sophia is powerful. She can tell people what to do, and everyone listens.

Sophie can give people a good piece of her mind, and then everyone listens…and laughs.

Which is always a good thing, people laughing. Sophie likes to make people laugh. Sophie honks like a little goose when she laughs, and Sophia would never do that.

Sophia is…tired.

So is Sophie.

Time to sleep. Until the morning. And dream of Mommy and Daddy, and purple, and twirling and grandmas and grandpas, and aunts and uncles and so many people who are thinking of me. I think of them too, and hug them all.

In their dreams.

Goodnight, Sophie. Goodnight, Sophia.


Excitement (Apostrophe a Million Times)

Dear Sophia,

So, first, I know it's not "apostrophe" - that's an inside joke between Daddy and I which I recorded in this post.

Second, ahh!! We're going to try to move the teeny-tiny-no-light kitchen into a different part of the house and make the old kitchen spot a large pantry for food storage and such. I'm sooooo excited! Like I told Daddy, it's like we're finally doing something (more than painting) which will be making this house totally ours. Love love love. I can't wait. Of course, at least parts of it will have to wait until we have the money to do them (like moving the outlet for the stove and moving the sink to the other side of the wall) BUT there are plenty of free projects when you're doing them by yourself, and I can't wait!  

Along the same lines, we're planning on taking out the non-functioning tub downstairs and replacing it with cabinets for storage space. Of course, that'll leave us with 1.5 baths for the whole house, but that's what we're living with now so whatev's. It might actually be worthwhile to see about fixing the broken hot water pipe down there so we can at least put a shower stall in and have hot water coming out of the sink too, but we'll have to see what that would take. Two full bathrooms would be nice. We have a non-functioning quarter-bath too, but the bedroom right next to it is super tiny and there's a weird space next to both which doesn't do anything, and I'd like to just knock those walls out and make that bedroom bigger. It doesn't have a closet either, so we might want to address that. Bah. I'm just excited all around. I really hope we can do what needs to be done here at one point or another.

Third, the lovely ladies from AH ordered your urn! I can't thank them enough. We have been so blessed to have them in our lives. It should be here in a few days so I'm so excited!

Fourth, Daddy hasn't been feeling well. I've been doing what I can to help him feel better, but I think it's up to his body now. Hmm.

Well, I guess that's all for now, sweetie. I love you!


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Decisions, Decisions

Dear Sophia,

The past few days have been great, crazy, and weird all at once. I talked with the lady from Alexandra's House, and they're going to do their best to help us with the costs of your cremation (which is what we've decided to do. I feel good knowing we'll be able to take your ashes home with us after you've passed away. I know certain people may disagree with our decision for cremation, but we've both prayed about it and feel the Lord approves.) We decided on your urn. It took a few days, but we are happy with our choice. For those who are curious, here's a picture:

Available at

We're going to engrave it to say:

Sophia Grace Lacey
Our Little Angel

I love it already. Not more than I love you, but I think it's perfect for our situation. I'm glad there was an artist out there who was sensitive to the specific kind of memorial we might need. I'm sure she didn't look us up and make it in our honor, but it really spoke to us... figuratively, of course.

The lady (her name is Patti, but the way) also gave me a birth plan template which I gratefully filled in and have already printed out. It's so nice having that finished - I didn't even know where to start or what to include, and I loved having it all to look at and consider. Speaking of which, I think you were kicking something you shouldn't have today. I kept feeling these jolts way down low which would startle me every time. Some were even painful. I thought I might be going into labor. We had some things we'd planned to do, and since I didn't start having real contractions, we just brought the hospital bag along with us. (I love that thing. I love feeling somewhat prepared. We've got everything packed we want and need, and we just recently added a small stuffed lamb puppet for snuggling with you.)

In other news, Daddy's finger is doing a lot better. I finally got to look at it for the first time a couple days ago. It just looks like a little scratch now - he's such a good healer. Too bad we were trying to guess the weight of the kittens yesterday and Killer scratched the other side of that same finger. Ugh. Oh well. At least it wasn't as bad as the first cut.

Yesterday was very busy. Daddy and I woke up about the same time, but then I went back to sleep for a couple hours. When I woke up again, he'd recently finished mowing both the front and back yards. I was so proud of him! After that, we went over to Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa's house and Daddy changed the oil in the car (which it was long overdue for.) After THAT, Grandma picked us up and took us to Saint Joseph, with the hospital bag in tow, where we ran some errands, got Daddy a much-needed pair of new shoes from Shoe Carnival, some dollar store breakaway collars for the kittens, and a neat picture frame from Goodwill which I'm planning on painting and placing some pictures of you in. After that, and some of Kym's shopping, we went back to Cameron and over to Erica's house.

I've been spending a lot of time at Erica's. We've become very good friends in such a short time. Her husband is gone for work three weeks at a time, so I'm glad to be able to give her company when she needs it. She has already been so sweet to us. In fact, she made us dinner last night and we brought over some garlic bread we had in our freezer. It was oh-so-yummy. We then watched a movie (during which we thought the cellar door banging on the side of the house was someone being a creeper and Daddy went out and was our hero.) This Wednesday is the Fourth of July and we're going to be taking her along with us as much as possible. It'll be fun either way. I'm even gonna try and see if Daddy will help us and another lady with getting some of the funky tissue-paper-wall-paper off of Erica's living room walls between the ward breakfast and the parade.

Health update! I've been feeling a bit better since I got off of the second round of antibiotics. They really didn't help my nausea while I was on them, but at least they did their job. Grandma thinks I might have some abdominal separation going on (yaaay) which is making a spot by my hip hurt. My back and ... front also bug me off and on, I pee a LOT... OH! and there's the awesome swelling. I haven't been able to wear my engagement and wedding rings for at least a couple months now, and my only semi-nice shoes are just a tiiiiny bit too small. I end up with zig-zags across my feet from the straps. It's super attractive. So are the all-too-common sweat marks from the increased sweating I've gained since getting pregnant. I don't know how Daddy can contain himself. Ha - really, though, I don't mind all the symptoms too much. It'll be weird when I'm no longer pregnant because I'd been this way for so long. Hmm.

So, today is 97 days until your due date. We've gone from around 266 days, to 97. That just blows my mind. I know in the back of my head that you'll most likely be here before that, but since it's the only definite date we have to go on, I'll keep with it.

You've been kicking a lot the last few days, and besides yesterday where you were ridiculously low, I've been feeling you a lot higher than I ever have. It's weird because I didn't think you'd gotten up that high but your motions say otherwise. I just love being able to feel you so strongly. Daddy has even gotten to feel you a few more times, which I really appreciate. I look forward to meeting you, sweetie.