All in the Details

Dear Sophia,

A few things have really developed since the last time I wrote. First, we found a photographer from an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (or NILMDTS.) Actually, we found a couple. Long story. In either case, we're going to try and use our first photographer as much as possible, but if for some reason she can't make it, the other photographer is going to step up. I feel so lucky to have these kinds of people who are willing to help in such a difficult time. That day will most likely be one of the hardest I've ever experienced, and it's great to know that there are people who are doing everything they can to ease the impact. I had a great half-hour-long talk with the photographer, then typed up some instructions for the day-of so we won't go into panic mode when everything goes down.

In other news, you're not in breech position anymore. I'm not entirely sure what to call the position you're in... horizontal is all I can think of. I'll look it up! So, apparently it's called "transverse lie" and it's perfectly normal before 26 weeks. Good job, sweetie. Now, let's try and be in the right position when you do come. Please, please, please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

In other, other news, Grandma told me that a family in the ward has offered to provide a little white dress and cap for you no matter when you're born. I felt so special for the second time yesterday when she said that.

Did I mention the young couple from the ward we've started spending time with? The other wife and I just felt like the Spirit was telling us we should get to know each other. Turns out, we get along really well! (Good thing, because we just found out she's been put on my Visiting Teaching list and I've been put on hers.) She had this sleepover a couple weeks ago (at their new house that's literally three blocks away,) and I couldn't stay overnight, but we spent the day getting to know each other. It was nice! Anyway, on Tuesday it was the first game of the NBA finals and we invited them over so the men could watch the game and Erica and I could do whatever we wanted and it was a lot of fun. Erica and I played ERS a couple times, she spent some time playing with the kittens (she loves them but she's allergic!) and the guys watched their game and talked to us (kinda - it was more like "Hey, honey, what do you think about blah, blah, blah" and they'd either be silent or say "What?") Tonight, we're planning on going to the Nutrition Center for dinner and maybe a jazz show in the park. It's no secret that I'm enjoying having friends in the ward.

Daddy had his own rough night last night. He said it's finally starting to feel real to him now (this was after I told him about the family offering to provide a dress and cap for you.) It would have broken your heart if you could see the way he cried over you... I know mine broke a little. All I could do was hold him close and have him take deep breaths until he could calm down. I realized he's probably hurting in a way I can't understand. You see, I've never held my own child in my arms before, or known what it's like to care for them at all hours of the night. He does. In fact, he's been hurting since before we even met. I remember he used to cry a lot over his first daughter, Onnamaria. She'll be 2 years old next month, but he hasn't seen her in quite a long time, and we don't feel safe going to see her. I would like to... I've never met her, but I'm not sure when it'll happen.

Anyway, he has been very upset about the fact that you'll be his second daughter, but he won't get to see you either. Last night he was upset about going to the hospital and leaving without you. I at least understand that much. I understand that I'm having to let you go before I get to know you, that it's weird to be pregnant and not be preparing for sleepless nights. In either case, I just know I can't forget that Daddy's hurting too. It's not all about me - and of course it's not - but I can't let the focus be on just me.

That reminds me of something else too. I want to make it my goal not to forget the little things I love about Daddy, like his freckles. It'll be interesting to see if you got his freckles - he even has them on his lips! I want to maintain a good relationship with him. I mean, I'd like to think that our relationship is already good, but I think it would be helpful to keep reminding myself why I was attracted to him in the first place... if that makes sense.

Anyway, I didn't really sleep last night, so I'm gonna try again. I love you sweetie.

Sincerely,
Mommy.